Chapter 9 — Chapter Nine

Chapter Nine
“L ove is a waste of time,” I declared. “Look at you now. You’re
miserable. You’re a mess. Finished. You really want more of
that?”
The client blinked, confused. “But isn’t it that true love always
wins?”
I burst out into a gt of hysterical lauWhter. “phere did you hear
such bullshit?” I leaned forward on the mat. “Let me tell you, my
brother, in the real world love means nothinW. I don’t even think there
is such a thinW as love.”
The client Hrocessed this for a minute. -e was a middle!aWed man,
not very briWht, but then aWain if he had been briWht he wouldn’t have
been in my consultinW room. “You’re sayinW me and my wife are not
in love?”
I shruWWed. “From your story it sounds like you loved her but she
loved your money, my friend.”
-e shook his head, still clinWinW to false hoHe. “But she didn’t know
I had money when we met. I only Wot it when my uncle diedO”
“Nh, but she knewO” I assured him. “pomen can sniS these thinWs
out. Eow you’re broke, she’s tossed you to the side. Dhe’s Hrobably
with another man as we sHeak.”
“Ah?”

0VG FIMAL ECRIDI, U-A1YL D. ET2RY
I nodded. “Your wife is a lyinW Wold!diWWer.”
Duddenly the man lunWed at me, Wrabbed me by the throat and
started chokinW me. Jusi emerWed from behind the curtain and Hulled
the madman oS me.
“-ey, I’ll kill you,” the man snarled. “jive me back my moneyO”
“ForWet it,” said Jusi. “jet out of here.” -e tossed him out the
door, slammed it shut and turned to me. “phat the hell were you
doinW? Cre you tryinW to ruin our business?”
I lay on my back on the mat. “phat’s the Hoint, Jus? phat’s the
meaninW of life?”
“You’re the HroHhet,” said Jusi. “You tell me.”
But I couldn’t. I had no idea.
-e sat beside me on the mat. “You know, you still have a way to
Wet back at zasHer. You can tell Cyanda about him and Uhairman, and
about the cheatinW.”
“Cyanda won’t sHeak to me,” I whisHered miserably. “Cnd even if
she did, she wouldn’t believe me.”
Jusi siWhed. “phy don’t you Wo to the orHhanaWe? You said you
liked helHinW out. Ct least you can be useful there.”
“phat if Cyanda’s there?”
“Raybe you can talk. pork it out. Raybe she is Kust waitinW for you
to try aWain.”
I had to hand it to Jusi, he was a better bullshitter than I ever was.
But it was what I wanted to hear. phat I wanted to believe.
I Wot uH and turned to him. “You’re riWht. I’m WoinW to the orHhan!
aWe. Cnd if I see her, I see her.” I started towards the door.
“Ar, Den*o?”
“za?”
“You’re still wearinW your wiW.”
“Nh, shitO”

LNJA BCU– 0V0
‘‘‘
I could hear her readinW to the children as I walked uH to the classroom
door. I took a deeH breath, knocked and entered. Cyanda looked uH.
There was a moment of eye contact, and then she looked away and
snaHHed the book shut.
“Look, children. 2ncle Den*o is here.” I could tell that her cheerful
voice was Kust a front. I was the last Herson she wanted to see.
“-i, 2ncle Den*o,” the children chorused.
Aven thouWh I felt like I’d been Hunched in the stomach, I smiled
and waved at them, then sat down on one of the kiddie chairs.
Cyanda Wot to her feet. “Eow that 2ncle Den*o is here, he can gnish
readinW the story for you.” Dhe walked Hast me and droHHed the book
in my laH.
“Cya, I ' ”
Dhe marched to the door and slammed it shut behind her. Nuch.
“1ead us the story, 2ncle Den*o,” said Eomfundo.
pith a weary siWh I Wot uH and went to sit at the front of the class.
“Nkay, where were you?”
“The Hart about the oWre.”
I scanned throuWh the HaWe. “Ch, here we are. Do she said to her
children, qUhildren ! you need to Wo and ask the oWre for food.’”
“Eo, I don3t like that story,” said Eomfundo. “It’s WoinW to end
sadly. I Kust know it.”
I shruWWed and closed the book. It made no diSerence to me. “Nkay.
Duit yourself. Averyone Wo to sleeH, then.”
The other kids Wot ready for their naHs, but Eomfundo came uH to
me. “phy did Cunty Cyanda leave?” she asked.

0VV FIMAL ECRIDI, U-A1YL D. ET2RY
“I don’t know.”
“phy are you so sad?”
Mamnit, the kid was too HerceHtive. “pho says I’m sad? I’m not
sad, look.” I forced a Wrin.
Dhe wasn’t convinced. “You know what I read when I am sad?” Dhe
oHened uH her Hencil case and Hulled out a folded, yellowinW Hiece of
HaHer. Dhe handed it to me. “-ere. 1ead it.”
“Eo, you read it,” I reHlied. “You need to Hractise.
“Nkay.” Dhe started readinW aloud. “There is so much I want to
share with you, but my words are lost within me...”
pait a minute. I stared at her in disbelief. I knew those wordsO
“I have so many emo... emo...”
“Amotions,” I said.
“Amotions. -ow do I make you see?”
I couldn’t believe it. I hadn’t seen that Hoem in gfteen years, not
since I crumHled it uH and tossed it in the bin. -ow did Eomfundo
Wet her hands on it? I beWan sayinW the words as she read them.
“Life is not that simHle. -ear this from my heart. Nur love will
con!xuer all, as we
stand here at the start. Eot sHeakinW to you is killinW me, you there
and me here. But one day soon that will chanWe...” Dhe looked uH,
surHrised. “-eyO You know the words.”
“Cnd I will gnally have you near,” I went on. “But now I stand here
and wonder, if I will ever have you...”
“CyandaO” cried Eomfundo. “-ow come you know it?”
“pho Wave this to you?” I asked.
“Cunty Cyanda let me borrow it for a while. Dhe told me it was her
grst love Hoem.”
I Wa*ed at the yellowinW HaHer, at my handwritinW. Cyanda must
have taken the Hoem from the bin after I ran out of the classroom that

LNJA BCU– 0V4
day, and she had keHt it all these years. phat did that mean? I didn’t
know, but I had to gnd out.
I left the children naHHinW and went to gnd Cyanda. I saw her
steHHinW out of Dister Raria’s oPce.
“Cyanda '”
Dhe Hushed Hast me and carried on walkinW.
“pait. Cya, can we Hlease'”
“Eo, we can’t,” she snaHHed, turninW around to face me. “I have
nothinW to say to you, Den*o. Cnd by the way, only my friends call me
Cya.” Dhe stormed oS once aWain.
pell, I had my answer. Eo matter how she felt about four!
teen!year!old Den*o, Cyanda would never forWive the Wrown uH ver!
sion.
‘‘‘
I returned to the consultinW room to gnd the most unlikely Herson
waitinW for me. Randla.
“phat are you doinW here?” I asked.
“I need your helH,” he told me. “I’m in love with Cyanda.”
I lauWhed, until I saw the distrauWht e5Hression on his face and
realised he was serious. “Cren’t you Way?”
-e siWhed. “Eo, I only Hretended to be Way so that I could Wet close
to her, but now my entire Hlan has backgred because I told her how I
felt and she’s anWry and hurt that I lied to her, so now she’s back with
zasHer and honestly I would rather see her with you than with that
arroWant, lowlife leechO”
pow. It took me a moment to make sense of that sHeech. I let him
in and the two of us sat down. There was a lonW awkward silence.

0VZ FIMAL ECRIDI, U-A1YL D. ET2RY
“phy are you tellinW me all this?” I asked gnally.
“Because I know you hate zasHer as much as I do,” said Randla. “pe
need to gnd a way to take him downO”
I thouWht for a minute, and then I made a decision. “Cctually,” I
said slowly, “I know somethinW...”
‘‘‘
“They’re hereO” Randla whisHered from the window. “zasHer’s car has
Kust Hulled uH outside.”
The two of us were in Cyanda’s aHartment, courtesy of Randla’s
sHare key. I was Hretty sure she had forWotten to take the key back once
she found out her BFF was after the same thinW as all the other men,
and she wouldn’t be thrilled to gnd us there. But I always liked to make
a sHlash, and this time I had noble intentions for a chanWe.
“Rove away from the window before they see you,” I told Rand!
la.
-e came over and we stood waitinW in the lounWe. I could hear
voices from outside.
“It would have been totally unWentlemanly of me to not walk you
uH to your door,” zasHer was sayinW. I rolled my eyes. jentlemanly, my
foot.
“Thanks, I aHHreciate it,” said Cyanda, unlockinW the door.
“I mean, this is zo*i. CnythinW can haHHen between your car and
your door '”
Cyanda sHotted us standinW there in the dark and shrieked.
zasHer screamed and fell to his knees. “6lease don’t hurt meO” Cnd
then ' I could hardly believe it ' he Hushed Cyanda forward and
cowered behind herO

LNJA BCU– 0V7
For a moment we all stood there, shocked.
“You need to man uH, bra,” said Randla in disWust.
-e and I steHHed into the liWht. zasHer Wot uH, embarrassed, and
dusted oS his Hants.
Cyanda Wlared at us. “You scared me to deathO -ow the hell did you
two Wet in here?”
“You Wave me a set of keys,” Randla reminded her.
“You do know that tresHassinW is a crime, riWht?” zasHer snarled.
“Cnd in this Hart of town, they tend to take criminal activity very
seriouslyO”
“Dhut uH,” I snaHHed back. “pe’re here because Cyanda deserves to
know the truth. Cll of us claim to care and yet we’ve lied to her, and
it stoHs now. Cyanda, we’re WoinW to confess everythinW, and then you
can decide whether to forWive us or not.”
“This is the most '” zasHer beWan, but Cyanda held uH her hand to
shut him uH.
“I’m listeninW,” she said, foldinW her arms. “Dince you’ve made such
a dramatic entrance, I miWht as well let you say your Hiece.”
Do we told her. Randla went grst, e5HlaininW how he had Hretended
to be Way to Wet close to her. phen he was done he heaved a siWh of
relief and turned to me.
I took a deeH breath. “I’m broke. I don’t like kids. I’ve never built
any schools in –8E. I lied to you so I could Wet closer to you and Wet
you to like me. You Hrobably don’t remember, but the grst time we
met was in the ninth Wrade. You Wuys came to my school on a geld
triH.”
zasHer WasHed. “YesO I rememberO Rr. 6oetry. Dtill a loser after all
these '”
“Dhut uH, zasHer,” said Randla.

0V9 FIMAL ECRIDI, U-A1YL D. ET2RY
“Aver since that day, I’ve been in love with you, Cyanda,” I went on.
“Eot one day has Wone by without me thinkinW about you. Cnd when
I saw you aWain I was ready to do anythinW to imHress you. Do I Wot
someone to steal your baW so I could brinW it back and be the hero.”
-er mouth droHHed oHen.
“I know,” I said with a siWh. “Believe me, I know. I’ve done a lot
of cra*y thinWs. 6retendinW to be someone else, trickinW HeoHle to Wet
what I wanted. But beinW with you chanWed me. I’ve always had to
hustle to Wet by. That was the only life I knew. Then you came alonW
and I wanted to be a diSerent Herson. C better Herson. I didn’t know
how, so I faked it. Eow I realise that lyinW was the worst thinW I could
have done, and I’m truly sorry. That’s the truth.” I looked at zasHer.
“Your turn.”
There was a lonW silence. Cyanda turned to zasHer e5Hectantly.
“jo on zasHer,” I said. “Tell her how we met.”
“phat does that mean?” asked Cyanda. “Midn’t you meet at the
charity event?”
“It started with me handinW you one of my ;yers in traPc,” I re!
minded him. “6roHhet Ra*inWa from Ro*ambixue. 1emember? Dee
your enemies in a mirror, Henis enlarWement, brinW back lost lover.”
zasHer’s eyes narrowed, and I realised that this was the grst time he
recoWnised me as the Wuy from the traPc liWhts. pe all waited for him
to make his confession. -e looked at Cyanda and took her hands in
his.
“Yes, he Wave me that stuHid ;yer, but I didn’t even look at his face.
I wish I had, then I would have been able to e5Hose him sooner. I knew
he looked familiar.” -e smiled at her. “Baby, I have never lied to you.
I’m the only man here who can say that. I love you and I know you
deserve better.”

LNJA BCU– 0V(cid:75)
Randla couWhed and sHluttered somethinW that sounded like
“Uhairman.” I looked on, both shocked and somewhat imHressed by
zasHer’s utter lack of shame. Nnly a socioHath could keeH lyinW at this
Hoint.
“I’m not like these lowlifes,” he went on Hassionately. “You and I
are cut from the same cloth babe, we know how to treat HeoHle with
the resHect they deserve.”
Nkay, that was enouWh. “That’s a lieO” I blurted out. “zasHer came
to me to '”
“Uame to you for what?” he sneered. “phat could I Hossibly want
from the likes of you?”
Randla snarled and took a steH towards zasHer. “You lyinW
two!faced son of '”
“AnouWhO” cried Cyanda.
“Dhe’s riWht. pe should leave.”
To my surHrise, the calm voice of reason was my own. I had come
to a realisation. 1evealinW zasHer’s deceit wasn’t WoinW to chanWe any!
thinW. -e would simHly lie his way out of it, and we had no Hroof.
Besides, Cyanda knew zasHer was a Kackass. If she wanted to sHend the
rest of her life with someone like him, that was her choice.
I turned to Cyanda. “pe’ve Hut you throuWh enouWh. I understand
if you never want to see me aWain, but since I started workinW with the
kids I reali*ed that they mean a lot to me. I’m WoinW to keeH workinW
there. I’ll stay out of your way so we’ll never have to meet, but I hoHe
everythinW Woes well for you.” I shot a look at zasHer. “Cnd I truly mean
that.”
I took one last look at her, then turned and left. Randla followed,
and oSered to drive me home.
“I don’t understand what she sees in him,” I said as we drove
throuWh zoburW. “I know I’m not Herfect but he’s a monsterO”

0V(cid:76) FIMAL ECRIDI, U-A1YL D. ET2RY
Randla looked at me in surHrise. “You don’t really think she loves
him, do you?”
“Moesn’t she?”
-e shook his head. “zasHer worked his way uH the corHorate ladder
and Wot her father’s attention. phen he grst started at Cma*i he was
jideon’s Wolden boy. jideon loves him like a son and keHt droHHinW
hints, so she went out with him to make her father haHHy. zasHer is
Hersistent when he wants somethinW, and he wanted Cyanda. Cnd she
would do anythinW for her father.”
I shuddered. “Aven marry zasHer?”
“2nfortunately, yes.”
‘‘‘
Randla was riWht. Di5 weeks later Jusi told me he had heard on the
news that Cyanda and zasHer were enWaWed.
“Dhe’s not worth the tears, bra,” he said, as we sat siHHinW beers in
the shebeen.
“I’m not cryinW.”
“You know what I mean.”
pe had gnally hunW uH the dreadlock wiW and shades for Wood.
Cs far as our old clients were concerned, 6roHhet Ra*inWa had lost
his Howers and Wone home to Ro*ambixue. It made no diSerence to
them. pithin a few days they had all found someone new to Wive their
money to.
Eow we were callinW ourselves “consultants”, helHinW HeoHle track
down wayward lovers, runninW errands, sHyinW on cheatinW sHouses. It
was tacky, but at least it was honest. That was HroWress. Jusi had also
manaWed to Wet a few shifts workinW as a security Wuard, and hoHed to

LNJA BCU– 0V(cid:77)
be able to make thinWs leWal with 8anele soon. It had been a rouWh few
months, but we were survivors.
“Nh, no,” Jusi muttered. “Trouble is cominW this way.”
I looked uH to see Dweets movinW towards us. I had never con!
fronted her about rattinW me out to zasHer and I had no desire to do
so now. The Hast was the Hast.
“-ey boys,” she said, sxuee*inW in between us. Dhe carried a news!
HaHer and oHened it on the table. “Mid you hear the news? C biW fancy
enWaWement. jideon 8wane’s kid.”
I couldn’t helH myself(cid:78) I looked. There was a Hhoto of Cyanda and
zasHer at some event. Dhe looked beautiful, but she didn’t look haHHy.
zasHer, on the other hand, was WrinninW from ear to ear. Doon he would
have everythinW he wanted. The thouWht made me sick.
“6retty Wirl, neh?” Dweets went on. “Dhe would be a beautiful
bride. Too bad the weddinW is never WoinW to haHHen.”
I stared at her. “phat’s that suHHosed to mean? It says riWht her
e...”
“This HaHer is from last week,” she said with a sly smile. “ThinWs
chanWe.”
I looked at her for a lonW time. “I know you were the one who told
zasHer about the 6roHhet Ra*inWa scam, Dweets. You’ve hated me ever
since...since thinWs didn’t work out with us.”
-er smile faded. “Do? -e wanted answers and he was willinW to
Hay for them.”
“I knew itO” I Wave her a dirty look. “-ow could you stab me in the
back like that over somethinW that haHHened so lonW aWo?”
“phy are you surHrised?” asked Jusi. “Averyone knows this
woman is nothinW but trouble.”
“-ey, shut uHO” Dweets snaHHed.

04G FIMAL ECRIDI, U-A1YL D. ET2RY
“-e’s riWht.” I clicked my tonWue in annoyance. “CW, I shouldn’t
even be wastinW my time talkinW to you. phy don’t you Wo screw uH
someone else’s life and leave me alone?”
“Cre you KokinW?” Dhe looked at me, shakinW her head. “You un!
Wrateful bastard.”
“2nWrateful?” I let out a bitter lauWh. “Cm I suHHosed to thank
you?”
“-ey wena, the weddinW is oS. You think that haHHened by maWic?”
Dhe shoved me, knockinW over my bottle.
I Hicked it uH xuickly before any of the beer could sHill. “phat the
hell was that?” I stared at her, furious.
“That fool zasHer never Haid meO” she yelled. “-e wouldn’t even
answer when I called. Thank jod I had everythinW on taHe so I could
Wive the bastard what he deserved. Cnd after I Wot him out of the way,
this is how you talk to me? R5mO You men are all the same.”
I was about to start a tirade of my own when somethinW clicked.
“TaHe? phat taHe?”
“I recorded everythinW he said when we were toWether,” she barked
imHatiently. “I’m not stuHid. phen he refused to Hay I droHHed oS
the taHe at his Wirlfriend’s Hlace so she can see what a loser he is. Yoh,
that fool can talk. C few drinks and he told me all about his biW Hlan to
marry Cyanda 8wane and steal her father’s comHany, and how many
times he cheated on her, and how he’s been stealinW money from riWht
under her father’s nose. There’s no way she’s WoinW to marry him now.
Dhe’s all yours thanks to me. Do you better start showinW me some
resHectO”
I was too stunned to reHly. I looked at Jusi. zudWinW from the way
his mouth was hanWinW oHen, I Wuessed he was also sHeechless.
“You recorded zasHer?” I asked gnally.
Dweets rolled her eyes. “Isn’t that what I Kust said?”

LNJA BCU– 040
“Cnd then you Wave the taHe to Cyanda?”
“za, I left it in her mailbo5.”
I licked my liHs, still in shock. I didn’t know what to think. I
was relieved that Cyanda would gnally know the truth about the man
she wanted to marry, but none of that chanWed what had haHHened
between us. I had lied to her and she would never forWive me.
“Dit down,” I said to Dweets, feelinW a little Wuilty about the way I
had sHoken to her. “Let me buy you a drink.”
“C drink?” she shrieked. “You think a drink is WoinW to g5 the way
you and your stuHid friend talk to me? I don’t want your drink. zust
know that you owe me.” Dhe reached out and knocked over my bottle
aWain, then shook her head and walked away.
I leaHt to my feet as the Huddle of beer Houred over the side of
the table and onto my laH. It reminded me of the chamHaWne that
had sHilled on zasHer’s Hants at the charity event. phat Woes around
comes around, I Wuess. Cll my scheminW had achieved nothinW. Aven
if Cyanda dumHed zasHer, at that moment I was alone, broke and
miserable, and I had no one to blame but myself.
‘‘‘
I keHt WoinW to the orHhanaWe, always makinW sure I was there durinW
the week so I wouldn’t run into Cyanda. Nne day, about a week after
my run!in with Dweets, I went to Rother DuHerior. Dhe looked at me
with those kind eyes of hers, the eyes that had always seen throuWh my
silly stories and bravado.
“This is about your mother, isn’t it?” she asked me. “You’re gnally
ready to know who she is.”

04V FIMAL ECRIDI, U-A1YL D. ET2RY
I nodded. It had been a lonW and Hainful Hrocess but I had decided
that it was better to know the truth. “I need answers,” I told Rother
DuHerior. “I can’t sHend the rest of my life tryinW to gll in the blanks
on my own.”
“Dhe was fourteen when she had you,” she said in a soft voice.
“Uan you imaWine? Dtill a child herself. Cnd your father was...older.
Ruch older, and married. The whole thinW was...” Dhe shook her
head. “-e wanted her to have an abortion, but even thouWh she made
mistakes she was a reliWious Wirl. Dhe refused. -e tried to force her.
-e...beat her. Dhe came here to hide from him. It was the only Hlace
she would be safe. Cfter a few months he moved away with his family. I
heard that he died some time later. By the time your mother was ready
to Wive birth, we all knew there was no way she could manaWe on her
own, so we took you.”
I didn’t know what to say. I Writted my teeth with anWer at the
thouWht that a Wrown man could treat a younW Wirl that way, after
takinW advantaWe of her. But I knew there was nothinW I could do to
chanWe it. Ry father was Wone now. It was over.
Rother DuHerior siWhed. “You Hrobably know her already. Dhe’s
made xuite a name for herself in the townshiH. I’m sure you must have
crossed Haths with her once, maybe even many times.”
I nodded. I had considered that Hossibility myself. It was stranWe
think that the woman who Wave birth to me miWht have sat ne5t to
me in a ta5i, or Hassed me in the street. pe miWht even have e5chanWed
words without knowinW it.
I looked at Rother DuHerior. “Tell me. pho is she?”
Dhe hesitated, but only for a moment. “-er name is Thandi
Rabi*ela.”
I frowned. “I don’t know anyone by that name.”

LNJA BCU– 044
“That’s because everyone calls her by her nickname. BiW Rama.
Dhe runs that biW shebeen'”
“I know it.” Ry head was sHinninW. BiW RamaO Eo, there had to
be a mistake. “Rother DuHerior, are you sure it’s her?”
“Cbsolutely. In fact she came to see me a few months aWo. Dome!
how she knew that you were HlanninW to come and volunteer here, and
she wanted to know if I was WoinW to tell you about her.”
For a minute I thouWht I had to be dreaminW. BiW Rama. I thouWht
about all the time we had sHent toWether over the years, the way she
had taken me in and let me sleeH in her shoH, and all the times she Wave
me advice and let me buy beer on credit. I had always felt connected to
her. Nne time, when I was still a kid, I asked why she didn’t have any
children. Dhe never answered me. Dhe Kust chanWed the subKect.
“phat did you say?” I asked Rother DuHerior.
“I told her I had every intention of tellinW you the truth. Dhe didn’t
seem haHHy about it, but she acceHted it. I haven’t sHoken to her since
then.”
I remembered the day I told BiW Rama I was cominW back to the
orHhanaWe. Dhe had acted really weird, cuttinW oS the conversation and
rushinW oS. Eow I knew why. Dhe had come here to talk to Rother
DuHerior. It was true, then. BiW Rama was really my mother. I Wot to
my feet and moved towards the door.
“Cre you WoinW to confront her?” asked Rother DuHerior.
“I have to,” I said. I was surHrised by how calm my voice sounded.
“You don’t understand ' I know her. I’ve known her for years and she
never said a word about this. I need an e5HlanationO”
Rother DuHerior nodded. “I hoHe she can Wive you the answers you
want.”
I left the orHhanaWe in a da*e. Ry thouWhts were sHinninW round
and round. I couldn’t believe it. Eo wonder BiW Rama had been so

04Z FIMAL ECRIDI, U-A1YL D. ET2RY
maternal towards me all those years. Cnd I had even told her she was
like the mother I never had. I felt so stuHid, so humiliated. Dhe had
made a comHlete fool of meO Dhe Wot to have a relationshiH with her
son while I was in the dark. -ow was that fair?
By the time I reached the shebeen I was really worked uH. I barWed
in there and marched Hast the counter, iWnorinW the cashier, who was
shoutinW that customers weren’t allowed at the back. I oHened the
door and steHHed into the oPce. BiW Rama was sittinW at the desk,
checkinW the books. Dhe looked uH at me in shock, and then she
siWhed.
“Dhe told you,” she said.
“Yes. Do it’s true?”
BiW Rama nodded. “I know how anWry you must be, Den*o. If you
want to shout at me, Wo ahead. Dhout. I deserve it.”
I oHened my mouth, but nothinW came out. I didn’t tell her how
hurt I was that she didn’t want to raise me, or how anWry I was that
she had keHt the secret for so lonW. I didn’t tell her how betrayed I felt,
or how much I had lonWed for a mother when I was small. I was tired.
Do much had haHHened over the last few months. I had found Cyanda
and then lost her. I had learned that I wasn’t an orHhan, then found
out my mother was the woman who owned the shebeen that was like
my second home. I had Wone from beinW a cocky hustler to beinW...I
didn’t know what I was anymore. I didn’t know where my life was
headinW, and I was fed uH with all of it.
I looked at BiW Rama for a lonW time. I looked at her round
shoulders and biW eyes, the doek on her head, the way her gnWers shook
sliWhtly on toH of the desk. I thouWht about the story Rother DuHerior
had told me, about everythinW BiW Rama went throuWh to Hrotect me.
I didn’t know what she had felt the day she decided to Wive me uH, but
I knew that she must have loved me. phen I left the orHhanaWe she

LNJA BCU– 047
had Wiven me a Hlace to sleeH. Raybe it was cowardly of her not to tell
me the truth, but in her own way she had reached out. Dhe had tried.
Dhe had done her best.
I couldn’t shout at her. I couldn’t be anWry anymore, but I
couldn’t act like nothinW had haHHened, either. I didn’t know what
to say, or how to act. Do I did the only thinW I could at that moment. I
left.
‘‘‘
For the ne5t two days I went over every maKor decision I had ever
made, tryinW to see where I went wronW. Ry life was a messO The nuns
had always tried to teach us to be kind and sel;ess. They talked about
love a lot, but I was too bitter to listen. Nn the outside I had been
a haHHy, mischievous kid, but on the inside I was anWry and hurt. I
didn’t think anyone cared about me, so I decided to care about myself.
I Hut my interests grst. I tricked and cheated and lied because I thouWht
there was no other way, but I was wronW.
Jusi came home with 8anele on the second niWht. Dhe had
brouWht biW dishes of home!cooked food.
“You can’t keeH livinW on chiHs and vetkoek,” she said, dishinW out
for us.
“pe can’t aSord HroHer food,” I told her. “pe’re honest men now,
so we’re WoinW to be broke until this consultant thinW works out.”
“Lucky for you, I’m a Wood cook,” she reHlied.
pe sat down to eat, and Jusi started tellinW us about somethinW
funny that had haHHened durinW his security shift. 8anele listened
attentively, even thouWh I was sure she had already heard the story on
the way to the ;at. Dhe even lauWhed at all the riWht moments. phen his

049 FIMAL ECRIDI, U-A1YL D. ET2RY
Hlate was emHty, she dished another helHinW for him, and then another
for me as well.
Cs I watched the two of them, I Wot the stranWest feelinW. It was
like I had been walkinW around with a hood over my head and now I
could gnally see HroHerly. Ran, I had been so wronW. Cbout 8anele,
about love, about everythinW.
8anele didn’t Hiss me oS because she was always interferinW in my
business. Dhe Hissed me oS because I was Kealous of her relationshiH
with Jusi. For so lonW we were both losers, and then she came alonW
and suddenly he was more than a stuHid kid. -e was a man with Woals,
with a Hlan, with somethinW worth gWhtinW for. Cnd it drove me nuts.
Cll this time I had chosen to see the woman who caused the chanWe
as a thorn in my side, when I should have seen her as the woman who
helHed my buddy Wrow uH.
Jusi and 8anele loved each other. The real thinW, deeH and true
and Hrobably for a lifetime, the thinW all the sonWs and movies talked
about. They always Hut each other grst. 8anele made Jusi think twice
about the dumb stuS we did. Dhe made him want to be better. I could
see it so clearly then that I was ama*ed it had taken me so lonW.
That was what love looked like. Two HeoHle who Wave them!
selves to the relationshiH comHletely, ;aws and everythinW, HeoHle who
trusted each other no matter what. 8anele and Jusi had the same Woal
' to make the other Herson haHHy. phat I had been tryinW to build
with Cyanda wasn’t love at all. I had deHrived her of the one thinW she
truly wanted ' trust. -ow could I say I loved her?
Rost of all I had been wronW about myself. I had tried to make
myself into a fake hero for Cyanda and even with all the lies I manaWed
to convince myself I was the Wood Wuy in this story. I was the one who
could love her best. I was better than zasHer. But maybe I wasn’t. I

LNJA BCU– 04(cid:75)
miWht not have cheated on her or tried to steal her father’s comHany,
but I betrayed her Kust as much as he did.
I felt the weiWht of hoHelessness as I sat thinkinW about all of this. If
only I had seen the truth sooner, I miWht have done thinWs diSerently.
It was too late now. There was nothinW I could do to chanWe what had
haHHened with Cyanda, and I had to acceHt it and move on.
I couldn’t Wive back the money I had taken from all those 6roHhet
Ra*inWa clients, or take back all the lies I had told. But there was one
relationshiH in my life I could still g5.
I Hicked uH the dirty dishes, washed them and left them in a Hlastic
baW for 8anele to take back with her, then I creHt out of the ;at.
The two lovebirds didn’t even notice. They were curled uH on Jusi’s
mattress, talkinW in whisHers.
I took a lonW walk to the shebeen. BiW Rama was behind the
counter, chattinW loudly to one of the customers. I sat down in a
corner and waited Hatiently for her to gnish.
Finally she came over to me. “-ello, Den*o.”
“-i.”
“phat are you drinkinW? The usual?”
I shook my head. “I came because...if you’re not busy...maybe we
can talk.”
Dhe smiled. “Nkay.”
phen she sat down beside me, I saw tears in her eyes.
‘‘‘
Two months later I was walkinW around town, HuttinW uH new ;yers.
DJ Uonsultants didn’t have the same esoteric rinW to it as 6roHhet
Ra*inWa, but if I was WoinW leWit I had to do it HroHerly. Re and Jusi

04(cid:76) FIMAL ECRIDI, U-A1YL D. ET2RY
had manaWed to Wet our comHany reWistered, with a little helH from BiW
Rama. Dhe had also lent us the start!uH caHital. Cctually she handed
me an enveloHe glled with cash, like some WanWster. I refused to take it
until she aWreed to let me Hay her back. Jusi said I should Kust call her
Rama, but I had been callinW her BiW Rama for so lonW nothinW else
sounded riWht.
DJ Uonsultants sHecialised in Hretty much everythinW under the
sun. pe had e5Handed to comHany reWistration, Hermits, UJs and
business Hlans, but we still tracked down runaway kids and cheatinW
lovers. pe were kasi boys, after all. pe had to Wive our HeoHle what
they wanted. pe used the same sHace we had used for the consultinW
room, and once in a while someone would show uH askinW for 6roHhet
Ra*inWa and we would have to deliver the unfortunate news that he
was Wone for Wood.
I walked uH the steHs to the oPce. phen I steHHed inside I saw the
last Herson I had ever e5Hected to see aWain. Cyanda. Dhe sat in the chair
oHHosite Jusi.
“Ch, there he is,” said Jusi. “Told you he’d be back Kust now.”
Cyanda turned around and our eyes met. Ry heart Hounded. phat
was she doinW here? -ow had she found me? Rore imHortantly, why
was she lookinW for me?
“-i Den*o,” she said softly.
“-i.” I looked at Jusi, but he Kust wriWWled his eyebrows and left
us alone, mumblinW some e5cuse about oPce suHHlies. “Cyanda, what
are you doinW here?”
“I heard 6roHhet Ra*inWa lost his Howers,” she said, standinW uH.
“Yes. It was for the best.”
“I aWree.” Dhe looked around the oPce. “This is a decent sHace.
UonWratulations.”
“Thanks.” I cleared my throat. “I heard about zasHer.”

LNJA BCU– 04(cid:77)
“Nf course you did,” she reHlied. There was a bitter note in her
voice, and I didn’t blame her. “phen the marketinW manaWer of one
of the biWWest comHanies in the country is arrested for fraud and
embe**lement, it’s WoinW to make the news.”
“Dorry.”
Dhe shruWWed. “I should have known better than to trust him.”
There was an awkward silence. “Cyanda, why are you here?”
Dhe looked at me. “I couldn’t stoH thinkinW about you.”
I stared at her in shock. “But...”
“I know,” she siWhed, then lauWhed. “You lied to me, made a fool
of me, broke my trust. But for some reason I still believe you’re a Wood
Herson.”
Dhe oHened her handbaW and took out an old Hiece of folded HaHer. I
knew what it was even before she oHened it to reveal the Hoem written
on the lined HaWe.
“I wanted you to be the Den*o who wrote this,” she whisHered,
“but I wasn’t sure. Aven after your cra*y confession in my aHartment,
I wasn’t sure. Then Eomfundo told me you knew the Hoem oS by
heart, and after that I couldn’t Wet you out of my mind. I knew I
had to see you aWain. I mean, what were the chances, riWht? It was
like...destiny, or somethinW.”
I couldn’t believe what I was hearinW. Eo, I was afraid to believe
it in case it was a dream. It had to be a dream. I had made a comHlete
mess of thinWs and there was no way Cyanda would forWive me in real
life. 1iWht?
Dhe lauWhed nervously. “I must sound like a cra*y Herson.”
“Eo, I don’t think you’re cra*y at all,” I said hastily. “I know e5actly
what you mean.”
“Mo you?” Dhe took a steH towards me. “phat I’m sayinW is I3ve
come back. If you3ll have me.”

0ZG FIMAL ECRIDI, U-A1YL D. ET2RY
If? pas she cra*y? Dhe was all I had wanted since I was fourteen years
oldO But...
“I’m nobody,” I reminded her. “I’m a broke false HroHhet who Wrew
uH in an orHhanaWe. I’m a consultant who writes UJs for HeoHle and
gnds out if their husbands are cheatinW.”
Dhe took another steH towards me. “I don’t care.”
I hesitated. “I’m tryinW to be a better Herson, but you know what
they say ' a HroHhet can’t heal himself.”
“You’re not a HroHhet,” she reminded me with a little lauWh.
Dhe leaned closer. I inched towards her... Cnd then she kissed me.
Ran, that kiss had been a lonW time cominW. Fifteen years, to be e5act.
I wraHHed my arms around her waist and she wraHHed hers around
my neck. This time no one interruHted. There was no zasHer to HoH
uH in his desiWner undies, wavinW old newsHaHers at us. The Hast was
the Hast. This was a new beWinninW.
Do you see, if you want to Wet the measure of a man, esHecially a
comHlicated, imHerfect, all too human citi*en like myself, you have to
understand what motivates him. For some men it’s wealth or Hower.
For me, it started with the fantasy of love, and Wrew into the real thinW.
It took a while to Wet there, but what can I say? Better late than never.